


Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

by PadawanRyan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, F/M, M/M, Pining, Takes Place after Original Trilogy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-07-30
Updated: 2010-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23931388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanRyan/pseuds/PadawanRyan
Summary: Luke's always had feelings for Han, but he deals stoically with Han and Leia as a couple. What happens when it begins to consume him, when he can't fight it anymore?
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Luke Skywalker/Han Solo
Kudos: 2





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> **Title: Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart.**
> 
> **Pairing: Luke/Han. Slash.**
> 
> **Rating: T, may become an M.**
> 
> **Summary: Luke's always had feelings for Han, but he deals stoically with Han and Leia as a couple. What happens when it begins to consume him, when he can't fight it anymore?**
> 
> **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or parts of the story. They belong to George Lucas, regardless of how much I'd like to own Luke Skywalker. Haha.**
> 
> **Author's Note: This is not my first slash, but my first Star Wars slash, so bear with me.**

It didn't matter what Ben said, I thought he was nuts for bringing us to the cantina.

I wasn't about to voice that, though. There were tons of people around who didn't seem quite too all-together, and anything I could have said might have set one off. R2 and C3PO had to wait outside, and after all the trouble they had caused us, I was a little nervous about leaving them out there. It didn't matter, though. Everything was changing in a whirlwind, and nothing seemed to matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was that we got to Alderaan, and returned the astrodroid. It wasn't when Ben fought the criminal, using his lightsaber, that made me nervous about the entire thing, but rather when he sat us down at a table.

"Han Solo, I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon."

From the moment I saw him, I realized he radiated a cocky attitude. It didn't matter that he'd yet to speak much more than a title to us, I could tell in the tone of his voice as well as the manner of his body language. I was always fairly good at telling someone's body language. He continued to speak to Ben, and I made a retort every so often. He seemed so damn sure of himself, no small comment from me would have changed anything. There was something about him, though, something that intrigued me. I didn't know yet what it was, but for some reason, he was becoming something of interest to me, slowly but surely.

"Looks like somebody's beginning to take an interest in your handiwork."

Turning to see the Stormtroopers in the cantina, I knew that we had to leave. Ben was thinking the same thing, and it was no time before we were on our feet and out of the way, slowly creeping out the door when the Stormtroopers had moved away from it. It barely took any time at all to sell my speeder, something which didn't bring in as much money as I hoped considering it was an older model, and to make our way toward the ship. Everything was running inside me, thoughts asking what I thought I was doing, thoughts asking if this was safe, and thoughts asking if I was even in my right mind. They didn't stop once I'd set a glance on the Millennium Falcon.

"What a piece of junk!"

"She'll make point five past lightspeed. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

Han Solo was not just any captain defending his ship, that much I could tell. He was genuinely attached to the ship, regardless of how it looked. When he said he'd made tons of special modifications himself, I knew that there was no way he'd get rid of that ship. As I mentioned before, I was good with body language, and I could read his fairly well. He ushered for us to get onboard, saying we were a little rushed, which was fairly obvious when the Stormtroopers came in and began to shoot at us. Well, they rather began to shoot at Han, but he shot back and ran onboard as quick as he possibly could.

"Chewie, get us out of here!"

And that's how it happened, a final and wild escape from Tatooine. It was my first time ever leaving the planet, and trust it to be with someone like old Ben, a self-centered pilot, and a Wookiee. Regardless, I was fairly excited, though my nerves were still yelling at me inside my head. Meanwhile, I couldn't really grasp everything that was going on, as if it wasn't actually happening. When some Imperial ships began to go after us, that was when Ben and I joined Han and his furry mate, Chewbacca. There was so much going on, I was so curious about everything, though he didn't seem quite so impressed. I was able to get over that, though.

"Go strap yourselves in, I'm going to make the jump to lightspeed."

Finally, we would actually be getting out of there. There were many times when I felt like a child still, curious as ever, but never had I felt more like one than when Han Solo would speak to me. Perhaps it was because the majority of people I spent time with were either my own age, or much older like Ben or my Uncle Owen, whereas Han was strictly older but not by an incredible lot. Compared to him, I was a kid, but compared to someone like Ben, he would also be a kid. It was later, when the ship was all settled and on course, that Han came to join us. Ben was teaching me to use the Force, though it seemed a joke to Han.

"There's no mystical energy field that controls my destiny."

The Force was apparently a hokey religion to him, something which he definitely didn't believe in. That didn't matter to me, I had always been one for personal beliefs. If he chose not to believe in it, then so be it, but my father and Ben believed in it so I thought I would too. Han laughed at me when the remote shot me and I was unable to defend it with a lightsaber, of course he had laughed. I welcomed his laugh though, it had a sound that kept a fire burning, but I wasn't about to let him know that so I kept my face in a slight pout. Even after having defended myself without sight, Han still didn't seem to care for The Force.

"Look, good against remotes is one thing, but good against a living...that's something else."

He was bragging, he had come into a lot of luck in his life, so he marked off my skill as luck. Perhaps it was only luck, I would have been very inclined to believe him if Ben hadn't been there. Somehow, just having someone older and wiser changed my mind. I had no idea why I would have jumped to believe Han in the first place, other than the fact that he seemed to be a great negotiator. Being a smuggler, he would have had to be great at negotiations. It was when figuring out what happened to Alderaan that I was more hesitant to believe him, considering I felt in my mind that Ben was right, the Empire had destroyed it.

"The entire star fleet couldn't have destroyed the whole planet."

I didn't voice my opinion, just continued to wonder aloud, but in my mind I knew that he was both right and wrong. The entire star fleet could not have destroyed the whole planet, but it had to be the Empire. How else would Alderaan have disappeared, otherwise? We followed an Imperial fighter ship, Han had basically insisted, since he wanted to know what happened. It came up to what looked like a small moon, but it turned out instead to be the dreaded Death Star, and the Millennium Falcon was caught in the tractor beam. Han actually seemed nervous at that time, and I was even more nervous because so.

"They're not going to get me without a fight."

"You can't win, but there are alternatives to fighting."

It did partially surprise me that Han Solo, in the short time I had known him, agreed with Ben Kenobi and decided that the best idea would be to hide. Being the smuggler that he was, he had plenty of secret compartments in his ship, designed specifically for smuggling. As he showed them to us, I was relieved that all of us would fit inside. Han ushered Chewie down into one, and as he moved off to the side, he ordered me to get in as well. He climbed in the same, leaving Ben and the droids to another compartment. We were crushed together basically, Han and I, the two of us as silent as we could be while Imperials searched the ship.

It was in that moment that I realized I was feeling something, albeit small, for Captain Han Solo.


	2. Chapter One

"You did it, Luke. We did it. We're finally free of the Empire."

There wasn't much said at the celebration the previous night, just basically letting ourselves go within the happiness of the moment. After awaking in the morning, and getting ready to leave the forest moon of Endor, I finally got the chance to speak with my sister. Sister...funny how in such a short time, only after discovering it myself, I could think of her as nothing more than my sister. I know she felt the same way, regarding me as nothing more than her brother, her twin of whom she could understand more than anyone. We were eating a little breakfast, prepared by the Ewoks, before we got ready to head out.

"I know. I feel as if something's missing, though."

"Your...our father."

"He came back to our side, right at the end. There are so many things I'd like to ask him."

Though his death was something that affected me lightly, and he was someone who I felt was missing, the other something missing was just something else. I couldn't tell Leia about it, I couldn't tell her that I had fallen for Han years ago, because now she and Han were happy together. I couldn't let that fall apart, regardless of my feelings, because I cared too much for my sister, and for Han's own happiness. He was what was missing though, the entire idea of him at all. Love, the feeling of romantic love was what I was missing. What a guy like me needed in celebration was someone special to celebrate with.

"I'd like to have asked him about our mother."

"Do you know who she was? Our mother..."

I shook my head, I had absolutely no idea who our mother had been. There were likely tests, DNA tests that could tell who our mother may be, but I wasn't entirely interested in doing that just yet. Before I uncovered another part of my history, I needed to get over my present, and deal with the different pain I was feeling for everyone and everything. Still, it would have been one of the first questions I'd have asked him. Nobody had any idea, other than Ben, Yoda, and our adoptive families that Anakin Skywalker had children, so I wondered whether our mother's family would have known. Lifting my spoon, I just smiled.

"I'm sure she was just like you, Leia."

"Why would you think that?"

"From what we've seen, I was very much like our father. You had to come from somewhere."

"I wonder if she was a diplomat, or into politics. Perhaps."

If I was very much like our father, Leia's personality had to come from somewhere too. Already, I could tell that we got our looks from separate family members. I knew how Anakin looked, not only from his dying body without the Vader mask, but also from his spirit. He was blond and blue-eyed, just as I was. Leia, on the either hand, was brunette with brown eyes - the complete opposite, basically. My guess was that I was just like our father and she just like our mother, of course without little weaknesses such as whatever caused him to join the dark side. Thinking about it too much, I decided to change the subject.

"So when were you planning to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"You and Han. Something happened last night, I'm not blind."

Of course, I had suspected it for a long time. Leia seemed very distraught after Han had been encased in carbonite, and though we were all distraught from different events of the time, I knew there was something else. I had also been incredibly distraught, because of Vader, my hand, and even Han, but I managed to keep my concerns regarding Han buried down because I could sense Leia's feelings. Until the previous night, during the celebration, when I had seen them cuddling together, I had never actually had proof to my theory. It pained me an incredible lot, but she was my sister and he was my best friend, and I loved them both.

"It's been an ongoing thing. I hadn't even realized you didn't know."

Not that I was going to tell her that I did know. In order to do that, I'd have to explain many things to her, including possibly my feelings for him. The best way to tell that one was in love with someone was to be in love with someone yourself, and if I were to admit that, she would either know it was him or assume it was her. I might have seemed for a while like I was interested in Leia, but for the exact same reason why she had kissed me - to make Han jealous. Of course, it worked for her and not for me, but I hadn't expected Han to feel any jealous over me. Taking another bite of the porridge-like food, I shook my head.

"It's alright. But if he hurts you, or vice versa, I'm a Jedi."

She laughed, obviously not taking me serious. I wasn't serious about it anyway, I couldn't hurt either of them, even if they had managed to hurt one another. I didn't have my lightsaber anymore, so I couldn't do much harm that didn't involve moving them around with my mind, though I had planned to make myself a new lightsaber again. Then, speak of the devil, Han Solo walked right into the little room where we sat, and grabbed himself a wooden bowl of the porridge-like food. None of us really knew what it was, but it looked like porridge to me. He took a seat beside Leia, even though I secretly wished he'd sit beside me.

"Chewie's finishing the tune ups to the Falcon, then we're heading out."

"Where are we headed now, oh great General Solo?"

"Wherever you want to go, kid. With Jabba dead, I'm free."

Han's only reason for doing half the things he did in the past few years were because of Jabba the Hutt, because of the price on his head. With the Empire gone, and Jabba dead, the whole lot of us were free to do whatever we wanted. There was no longer a home for me to return to, for the past few years I had been going wherever the Rebel Alliance had gone, but I didn't actually have a real home. The only thing I could think to do, really, was to return to Tatooine where this whole adventure had begun. I'd also had this feeling that my father had once lived on Tatooine, and perhaps I could learn something.

"I want to return to Tatooine, research my family as much I can."

"That old place...if you're sure, we'll head there."

Nodding, I was certainly sure that I wanted to return there. Of course Han wouldn't be too enthusiastic, he obviously had little good memories of being there, but perhaps that could change. It warmed my heart that the Han Solo, the man who listened to nobody but himself, offered me to choose the place we would fly to. I tried not to let it get to me too much, since I knew it was just a friendly gesture. My heart sank, though, when I noticed the matching smiles that Han and Leia were shooting each other, as if they were having a private conversation that only they understood. I cleared my throat, which stopped it instantly.

"Let's try not to get killed this time, kid. Alright?"

It seemed every time Han and I were together on Tatooine, either of us was trying to be killed. The first time, it was mainly Stormtroopers, but also Jabba after Han. The second time, it was of course Jabba trying to kill the both of us. It didn't seem to matter though, as we always made it out alive. I glanced down a moment at my gloved hand, wondering if perhaps I should have had it fixed before we head out. It was too late, though, and I would have to wait until another time. Perhaps there would be someone on Tatooine who could fix it. It was only a burn in the skin, none of the wires were affected, as far as I knew.

"Oh Luke, are you still thinking about what he did?"

"My hand? Oh no, Leia...it's a little damaged, I should have it fixed."

"I'm not sure we have the time, kid."

"I'll wait until we're on Tatooine. It's functioning, I'll get by."

That answer seemed to please Han, though Leia still looked a little worried. No doubt she was worried about me, about whether I was telling the truth or not. After how upset I'd been when I lost the hand, she had been scared that I would fall back into that depressed state again. It hadn't lasted long, but any sort of upsetting state can have a relapse. All I could do was send her a grin, and hope that she understood that I was alright. I couldn't blame her for worrying, but I worried myself when she was worried for me. We would all get into a cycle of worrying, and that wouldn't be very good for any of us at that time.

"I think I'll go tell everyone we're ready to go, see who's coming with."

"Don't take my ship on me, now!"

Han was only joking, though I knew how much the Falcon meant to him. I left my bowl on the little wooden table, it seemed everything in this forest was made of wood. It made sense, though, since it was a forest and the greatest resource there was wood anyway. Walking out and across the little rickety bridge, my thoughts all jumbled in at once. Like every time we left on some crazy mission, my thoughts radiated that I was pretty much crazy, but that wasn't what bothered me. It was Han's smile, his cocky grin, that creeped into my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Wherever I went, he was the first thing on my mind.

"Why can't I go anywhere without thinking about him?"

I knew I was thinking aloud, but since there was nobody close enough to hear, it didn't make much of a difference. It didn't take long to find the droids, R2 who had just been fully repaired, and send them in direction of the ship. The only other person I'd have considered finding was Lando, but I was unsure of where to find him anyway. A good wandering would have given me the chance to think, so I welcomed it as I got the chance. What was I expecting to find on Tatooine when I got there? I wasn't sure anyone knew Anakin Skywalker other than those who had already passed, like my Aunt and Uncle, or Ben.

It came to me shortly, though. It was absurd, but what I was hoping to find was a clue...a sign...


	3. Chapter Two

"Hey kid, we've arrived. Wake up."

I could hear Han's voice speaking to me, but I didn't want to open my eyes, since I could tell the room was bright. It was surprising that I had fallen asleep on the ride to Tatooine, though with everything I had been through recently, I did need the sleep. It would have been Leia who convinced me to relax and have a nap, but it seemed to be Han waking me up. Or was I still dreaming? As I opened my eyes and saw Han standing over me, looking straight down at me with the glow of the lights behind him, I was certain I was still asleep. Only in my dreams could Han have been there, looking so saintly and like an angel.

"Oh Han...angel..."

"Angel? Sorry to burst your bubble, but they don't exist."

"Wait...huh?"

"You were dreaming about angels? I imagine I did, as a kid that is."

Perhaps I wasn't asleep and dreaming still. I couldn't believe I actually called Han an angel, though thankfully he didn't seem to catch on. He thought I had been dreaming of angels, something which I did as a child as well. Most parents told their children stories of angels, and that was no different for Aunt Beru, when she tucked me into bed at night. I didn't know anything about Han's childhood, or what his parents had been like, but now I knew enough to know that someone had told him stories. Sitting up so I could get a better look at everything, I noticed that Han and I were alone, me still seated while he still looked upon me.

"Where is everyone?"

"Oh, they already left. I took the liberty to wake you."

Nodding, I hadn't doubted a word he said. Of course Han was not there just to be with me, no matter how much I wished he would be. Leia would likely have been outside, looking for a potential place to stay, and Chewie was more than likely giving the Falcon a once over, making sure everything was in order. With everything the ship had been through, it probably needed some more of Han's, "special modifications." Stretching my arms behind my head, I just grinned at the older man, thinking to myself how nice it would be if he had been there specifically for me, and my desires. Thankfully he wouldn't read my thoughts.

"So you getting up, kid? Or do I have to carry you?"

"Would you actually carry me?"

"Don't get too excited, I'd be dropping you out there."

"I could live with that."

Of course, I was joking around with him, but I certainly would not have protested to him carrying me around. Feeling though as if I had wasted too much of Han's time, I then stood up, stretching my legs a bit as I did. Sleeping in a sitting position had left my body tense, though waking to Han's face made everything seem so much better, regardless of the physical state I was in. If only I could have woken to him in a different manner. The both of us then made our way out of the room, and down the ramp off of the ship. Leia, as she characteristically was these days, stood outside with a notebook in her hand, scribbling something down.

"There you are, Luke. I was beginning to think you two had run off together."

I froze in that moment, unsure of what to say and likely looking horrified. Quickly though, I managed to get over it and laugh, shrugging it off. Leia was obviously joking, she didn't really expect Han and I to run off together. It wasn't as if we could have run without her seeing us anyway, since she stood right by the entrance to the ship. I didn't care to ask what she had been scribbling about, it had to be something she was researching herself. Inwardly, I wondered if perhaps it was the same thing I was researching, but it didn't matter. If it was, then perhaps eventually we would find the answers for each other.

"Have you found a place to stay?"

"Oh, yes. There's this little inn close by, doesn't seem as if people go in much."

"Few people...probably better anyway, considering who we are."

We weren't exactly on the run, or in hiding, but it seemed everyone in the galaxy was learning who we were, because of the Rebel Alliance and the destruction of the Empire. Glancing around at the area, I noticed two little homes off in the distance of the desert, and a larger though still small building the opposite way. That must've been the inn that Leia spoke about. Han was behind me somewhere, I could hear him talking to Chewie, but I wasn't one who would eavesdrop on him, regardless if the conversation was just about the Falcon. Unsure of what else to do, I decided that the best thing to do would be to visit the inn.

"I'm going to the inn, are you coming with?"

Leia looked up from her notepad a moment, and nodded to me. The two of us set off together, though it was no time before Han and Chewie caught up to us. Perhaps they didn't feel like being left behind while still unaware of where we were going. I pretended not to notice as Han caught up with Leia, and sweet talked to her behind me. I had become so good at pretending, that I probably could have convinced someone I was a woman. Not that I would have, though, since that would be weird. The point was, I had to disguise my feelings for Han constantly, so I was fairly used to doing so whenever the need arose.

"Luke, are you alright? You're being awfully quiet."

"I'm fine, Leia. Just thinking."

She was always worried about me, ever since my first meeting with Darth Vader, with our father, but since then things had gotten better. It had barely been a few days since his unfortunate death, but I was proud of how he became at the end, and I was proud of myself for not giving into the Emperor as my father had in the past. Things were looking up, but my constant problem of the past few years was still egging at me. As we came up to the inn, though, I figured I might as well attempt to stop thinking about Han, because it wouldn't do to be so hung up on him all the time. I pushed the door open, and approached the small desk where an older woman sat.

"This is an inn, right? We can stay here?"

"Oh, of course! I do barely have anyone here anymore, I'd be delighted!"

"Good. There's four of us, and two droids on our ship, but they can remain there."

"I have two rooms upstairs you can use, clean ones. One large and one small."

Clean rooms sounded like a fair deal, so I agreed. It went without saying already who would sleep where. C3PO and R2D2 would be remaining on the ship, it wouldn't be a problem for them. Chewie would have a room to himself, the small one since he would be alone, and I would share with Han and Leia. The small woman led us up the dusty staircase toward the rooms, which were not as clean as she made it sound, but were certainly in better condition than even the main lobby was. In the larger room, there were two beds, and Han tossed himself down on one, relaxing casually with a smile on his face.

"So kid, we're here. Now what?"

"I'm going tomorrow, attempt to find someone who knew the name Skywalker."

"Good luck with that. I think I'll spend the day relaxing."

Not that I could blame Han, he certainly deserved to relax after all his work on the forest moon of Endor within the battle, but I personally had hoped he'd be interested in coming with me. Perhaps I'd be able to convince him to come anyway, but that would remain to be seen. As much as researching my family was my own personal project, it would have been nice to have someone else to share my results with. I walked toward the little window, or the hole that served as a window, and looked around at the desert outside, attempting to distract myself. It would be a far walk to find anybody out there, and I'd have been better off with a speeder.

"Care to join me?"

When I heard Han say that, I nearly whipped around with a surprised face, ready to ask if he was joking or not. The only thing that kept me in my place was Leia's response to him, so I continue to look out the window, my eyes closed and my heart beating quicker than usual. This often happened regarding Han, so I never thought of it as anything to worry about. It was then that I realized I ought to build a new lightsaber before going out onto Tatooine, since there were plenty of things, like the sand people, lurking out there. How better to distract myself at that moment from my feelings than to build a lightsaber?

"Luke...you'll find something. I know you will."

"I'm hoping, Leia. Right now, though, I'm going to build a lightsaber."

As I turned around, I noticed Han and Leia sitting together on the bed Han had laid down on, and Leia was nodding at me. It didn't take a wide range of materials to build a lightsaber, so there was likely many things I could use upon the Falcon. After all, I built my first (or rather, first of my own) aboard the Falcon, before going with Leia, Chewie, and Lando to rescue Han in his carbonite form from Jabba the Hutt. The woman at the lobby desk didn't bat an eye as I walked through and left the little inn, heading toward the ship. Reaching the Falcon, I just stood for a moment, realizing it was sunset, and that the Tatooinian sunset had always calmed me.

There would always be that one person I wished to watch a Tatooinian sunset with...Han.


	4. Chapter Three

"Good luck, Luke. Discover something great."

It was morning, and I had very little sleep after spending the night building my new lightsaber. Regardless, I was ready to head out and learn something. I was unsure of why I thought that perhaps I'd find answers on Tatooine, but there had to be a reason Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru had lived there, and a reason why I'd been left with them. There was some connection to me, to my father, on the planet and I was determined to figure it out. Leia was bidding me goodbye, that new notebook of hers still in her hand. Somehow, I had actually convinced Han to come with me, perhaps because he felt he'd be bored otherwise.

"If everything goes well, I'll know everything I need to in no time."

"Don't let Han distract you too much."

"Don't worry, I'll keep the kid on his track."

Of course Han was going to distract me, he always did, but I had grown so used to his distraction that I could do anything while watching him or thinking of him. We had a long, hot day ahead of us, and by my judgement we would probably be in the nearest actual town in several hours. Luckily, after growing up on the planet my entire life, I was quite used to it. I was sure Han could deal as well, after his work with the rebellion, as well as I knew he had spent time on Tatooine before. The two of us together turned away from Leia, both feeling adventurous and nervous, though myself much more so than him.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, Han."

He nodded to me, and we finally set out on foot, into the still mild morning before the heat kicked in so much. My new lightsaber was at my side, blue as my father's had been when it was passed to me, but probably not as good as my previous one. I had spent far more time on the previous one, considering I had far more time to complete it. Time flew by quickly when there was nothing else to do but think and walk, the sand blowing around our feet. An hour had probably passed by the time we stopped for a short rest, just to have some water and rest our feet. We hadn't intended to stop for very long, though.

"How much further do you think we're going?"

"Another two hours at least."

"Hell, kid, you had to choose an open desert?"

"It's the only place I've had any strong connections to anyone."

I didn't have to guess what he was thinking, because I could tell from the pensive look on his face that he knew it was true. It was even the first place we had met, back at the cantina in Mos Eisley when Ben and I had needed transportation to Alderaan. If only I had known back then how much my life was changing, how close I'd become to the smuggler and how much I'd feel for him. I passed to him my canteen when I was finished with my water, and allowed him to have some. Han took it distractedly, as if he was thinking hard about something. Considering it was likely none of my business, I didn't bother to ask him about it.

"You ready to keep going yet, kid?"

When he finally asked that, I just nodded my head to him, and the two of us continued on. There wasn't much to talk about, so we were fairly silent, and the heat began to rise so neither of us wanted to waste energy speaking anyway. Another hour passed quickly, though not without us getting too hot, but we didn't stop that time and just continued walking. I could tell that Han was regretting his decision to come, but it made no different. It was too late to turn back, so he just bore with it. The last thing I wanted to do was aggravate him. Soon enough, we could spot some buildings and some bustling off in the distance.

"There, we'll have to head in there and find someone."

"You better know what you're doing."

The tone in his voice indicated a warning, though concern was also evident. There were some dangerous people on Tatooine, we knew that better than ever due to our trouble regarding Jabba the Hutt, but it touched my heart that Han was worried about me. Regardless of any worries, we still continued onto the city. It was small, but there was a fair bit of people running about. It seemed that perhaps in the past, there was a bigger population, since it seemed many of the buildings were old and abandoned. Nothing mattered, though, and we walked through, looking for a suitable place to stop and relax for the first time in a few hours.

"Where do you suppose we should go?"

"I don't know, closest place to drink or get something to eat."

"Good thinking, Han."

"Hey, it's been hours, I'm starving now."

Laughing, I agreed with him completely. After all that walking, using all that energy, I'd have probably slain someone for food. Not literally of course, but I was fairly starving as well, so we treaded slowly through the streets to find a place that may serve some food. Han even stopped to ask a couple people, and finally we were pointed toward a small little diner. The two of us thanked the person, and headed right inside the place. It was dark, and not very busy, but there were several people inside and a couple Twi'lek waitresses around. Han and I sat at the nearest table, and waited until a waitress came over to us, smiling as if she was glad to have some more business.

"Welcome, what can I get for either of you?"

"Do you have some sort of special? We'll take that."

"Alright, that'll be just a moment."

Since I had no idea what food they offered, and I could sense that Han didn't want to spend time reading a menu when he could eat, I just decided it would be easiest to get us whatever special was available. Any food, regardless of the taste, would do us some good after all our traveling. The food came after only a few minutes, but it seemed with the few people in the diner, they certainly had plenty of time to make it all. Our quick eating could only be described negatively, at least by those who were fond of manners, but we were starved and couldn't help it. Because of my carelessness, I choked for a moment, but managed to regain control of my throat.

"You alright, kid? Can't have you choking on me, now."

It could have been just the way he phrased it, but whatever Han said nearly made me choke more. Trying to control my composure, I just laughed to cover it up, and shook my head at him. Someday, I was certain that the Captain Solo would be the death of me. Of course, my life was also accredited to him, so it would balance out anyway. It wasn't too long before we had finished each of our last bites, and Han went to pay for the food as I cleaned up the mess a bit, not wanting our savage eating to distress whoever cleaned our table. As we were stepped out of the diner, a very old woman with a peculiar look on her face approached us.

"Do I know you? My, you look familiar...but then, it's been much too long..."

She didn't even stick around for a reply, but just continued walking on. I could tell it was me that she had been speaking to. She had stood in front of both of us but her eye was on me directly, looking at my face so intently. I was wondering whether I should have asked her anything, or just remain a little scared, but neither would do while we were on a mission of sorts. It was then that I realized we would probably have to go through more grueling hours of that walking, if we were to go from town to town. Glancing around, I looked for a place that perhaps might have sold or rented speeders to people.

"Han, what do you say we spring for a speeder?"

"No more walking? Kid, I'm right behind you on this one."

It still took a while of wandering through the small, half-abandoned town before we found any sort of place, but eventually we came to one. It was more of a parts shop than anything, but it seemed to have exactly what we needed, a few old speeders sitting around. More than likely, they needed work, but as long as we could get them working well enough to drive through the desert, it would work out. I stepped in slowly, my hand on my lightsaber just in case, and I could tell without looking that Han had the same stance but with his blaster. All of a sudden, an older looking blue Toydarian flew out from the back.

"Whattaya doin' in here?"

"Your speeders, would you be selling them? We can pay for parts, we just need -"

"Do I know ya? Ya look familiar."

"I'm not sure, I don't believe we've met before."

I could tell just by looking at the Toydarian that he was a crook, but it was times like then that I was glad to have a criminalistic smuggler with me. If this guy was up to anything, Han could certainly get us out of it, and I could certainly defend myself if need be. It seemed as if I was relying on Han to be my protector, when in actually, I just knew he loved to deal in conflict. The Toydarian was circling us, giving us the strangest look, and I was beginning to wonder about this town. It seemed that nearly everyone we'd come across, save for the Twi'lek, were not exactly all there in the head, but rather insane.

"Ya came back! I knew ya'd come back."

He clearly mistook me for someone else, since I had never met a Toydarian in my life. I knew what they were, I was fairly educated when it came to species, but I was still aware that I had no idea who this old guy was. Han was giving me a weird look, and I returned his weird look with one of my own as well as a shrug. Part of me thought that perhaps this was some sort of trick, that the thing was attempting to get something out of me by pretending I was an old friend of his. Hesitant to give any sign of agreement or that I was following along, I tried to find the right words. It seemed Han was practically speechless for once.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure who you think I am, but we really -"

"Ani! Ya're not Ani Skywalker? Lookin' young for ya're age, ya are."

"Ani Skywalker? You knew Anakin Skywalker?"

No wonder he had thought I was familiar. It was common knowledge now that I looked just as my father had when he was young, so of course I'd be mistaken for him. I began to wonder if that was what the old woman down the road had been thinking, but we didn't have the time for me to wonder about that. Internally, I was thrilled and jumping around at the concept that this Toydarian knew Anakin Skywalker, because it seemed I really had found a clue to my heritage sitting around on Tatooine. By then, he could obviously tell that I was not Anakin due to my comment, but it seemed to interest him as well that I knew of him.

"Ya, was a slave o' mine...took off with some Jedi, sold his mum to Cliegg Lars before she died."

"Do you know if he's still alive?"

"Oh ya, down the road outside o' town. Heard his son was killed a few years ago."

"Thank you, so much! You've helped us more than you can imagine!"

With that, we had set out without even having bought or rented a speeder. That didn't seem to matter anymore, seeing as we would clearly not be walking for very much longer. I knew of Cliegg Lars, he was Uncle Owen's father but I had never met him. Uncle Owen had always said he was too old and too far, and that he couldn't possibly come to us. Finally, I was going to meet the only family member I had left who had known Anakin Skywalker, who had known my father before he had become Darth Vader. I was walking quickly, and even Han was having trouble keeping up to me.

"Kid, what's going on? Who's this Lars guy?"

"My Uncle's father. Han, we've found the link we came here to find."

The family link we had come to find, the one clue as to who I really was. The entire walk, I couldn't help but wonder what he would have to say about my father. Did he know who my mother was, what she was like? Had he known of my existence, had Uncle Owen actually ever mentioned me or had he known that my mother was pregnant? There were so many questions in my head, and I was aware that I couldn't possibly ask them all. Han seemed fairly relieved that finally luck seemed to be on our side, as I was as well. Within no time, I could return to Leia and tell her all about our family, and where we really came from.

It was also a welcome distraction to have something big to think about, rather than thinking of Han.


	5. Interlude - Leia

They both had no idea that I'd caught on, but it was difficult for them to hide it any longer.

Luke had been the harder of the two to decipher, though his feelings went stronger than anything I'd ever felt. That was the greatest reason I had been able to discover this, through feeling. He was very careful not to let anyone discover how he felt, I could tell, but we shared a strong connection through the Force, and that was leading me into his thoughts. Not necessarily his direct thoughts, but his strong feelings, which definitely seemed to be for someone completely unexpected. It was unexpected to begin with, though over time I began to realize that it made complete sense, as if it was meant to be.

I'd first noticed it after they had been awarded for their victory against the Death Star.

That's when I first got the clue, but hadn't necessarily figured it out. Luke always seemed so glad to be in his company, spending hours and hours each night just hanging around him. It didn't matter if they were talking, playing games, drinking, or even working, Luke always seemed so glad. I'd finally realized it after Han had been encased in carbonite and sent to Jabba the Hutt. Luke was so intent on retrieving him, returning him to us, that he would go days and days without sleep or even food. My brother was the most dedicated person I had ever met, and his dedication ran strong when regarding Han.

It was Han's feelings that I figured out first, though.

Again, I had begun to notice after that same awards ceremony that Han seemed pretty calm and content in Luke's presence, whereas he often seemed tense around me. People would say that he was so tense around me because of his feelings for me, and while I did notice that he had feelings for me, I knew that his calm around Luke was the more astonishing. He was likely tense around me because he was aggravated to be in that situation, and the easier person to deal with was the farm boy from Tatooine. This seemed to continue for a long time, and eventually, I figured out for certain that Han had feelings for Luke.

I'd realized Han's feelings as truth when he saved Luke's life on Hoth.

Nobody would have been crazy enough to go out into Hoth to find Luke. Not a person in the Rebel Alliance was even willing to go out there, fearing for their own lives. It was absolutely appalling, but I couldn't very well talk since I wouldn't go either. As much as I cared for Luke, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Han, on the other hand, refused to stay when Luke was out there. His own determination shone with care, though he probably hadn't realized how obvious it seemed. Nobody else caught on, but when he returned with Luke, looking more relieved than I had ever seen him, I knew it for a fact.

Han Solo was in love with Luke Skywalker.

Perhaps he himself didn't even realize it, because he certainly wasn't acting on it. If he had acted on it, I would have picked it up eventually. As much as he cared for Luke, he continued to pursue me, and I wondered if whether he was having problems with his own feelings, or had issues with Luke's feelings. It was certainly possible that he believed Luke didn't reciprocate and didn't want to test his luck. It was fairly obvious how I felt about Han, and though I was very supportive of Luke and Han, I didn't want to invade into their business so I kept doing what I wanted. I kept pursing Han as he kept pursuing me.

Luke's depression was what helped me understand more that he was in love with Han.

Around the same time that I realized Luke's true feelings, I had noticed that his bright face had begun to wither. His first confrontation with Darth Vader, with our father, had contributed to that depressed for sure, but he never seemed anymore to be in a good mood. His mood took even more of a nosedive when Han returned, because even though he was thrilled to have Han back alive, he was picking up on what was going on between the two of us. Being incredibly Force sensitive, Luke could sense my feelings and could probably sense Han's as well, to a degree due to his own closeness with the smuggler.

There's nothing I can do about the situation, though.

Many times I had considered talking to them about their feelings, asking them about it all. Other times, I had considered forcing them together, so that perhaps they could get it all out. I didn't want to be wrong, though. As sure as I was that the both of them were in love with each other, there was always that possibility that I had sensed their feelings wrong. Desperate not to lose even my friendship with Han by insinuating that he loved my brother, I kept quiet about it. Due to the Force inside me, I knew I wasn't wrong about Luke, because his feelings and thoughts I could sense stronger than anyone else's.

The only thing I could hope for was that they'd realize it on their own.

Perhaps going out into the desert that is Tatooine would help them. Being alone together for a journey that would surely take quite some time, perhaps they'd find time to realize their feelings or act on them. I was very much in love with Han, but I could feel that his love for me was not as strong as for Luke. It would have thrilled me for them to return to the inn to Chewie and I with their hands entwined, and their eyes gazing into each other's. Of course it was just a dream, one of those happily ever after things, but I wanted them both to be happy. Gazing out the window of the little inn bedroom, all I could think about was them.

Maybe everything was all mixed up, but I wanted everything to turn out right.


	6. Chapter Four

"This must be it, Han. It doesn't seem there's any other buildings in the area."

Stopping in front of a little home a little outside the town, we could tell there was nowhere else to go. This little home had to be where Cliegg Lars was living. Han looked slightly skeptical of going in, as if we should not trust the advice of that Toydarian who's name we never even learned, but I was fairly determined. I took a step toward the small home, and knocked on the door lightly. At first, there was little sound inside, but then I could hear shallowed breath and some rustling coming toward the door. An old man answered the door, a crutch at his side where, even though it was covered by pants, I could tell he had a bionic leg.

"What do you want?"

"Cliegg Lars? My name is Luke Skywalker, I'd like to talk to you."

The look on his face suddenly became one of wonder and fear, as if it scared him somewhat that I was there. Regardless, he ushered Han and I inside as quickly as he could, and motioned for us to take a seat in his small living room. I was wondering how he lost his leg, whether it had been because of my father just as I lost my hand, or something else. Han sat just beside me, and my body jolted inside as his leg rubbed against mine, but I managed to maintain my composure so nobody would notice. Cliegg sat across from us, looking weary and as if he was struggling with what to say, so I decided to begin.

"I heard that my father, Anakin Skywalker, and his mother were sold to you as slaves?"

"His mother was...I freed her though..."

"You had a son named Owen, right? Owen Lars?"

"You know of Owen?"

Obviously, he had no idea of my existence, or he likely would have known that I was living with Uncle Owen. It seemed that all the people who were aware of who I was knew, as if they all together had planned where Leia and I would be sent. I was struggling with what to tell him, because I knew he would be hurt that his son had never visited him, or mentioned raising me for nineteen years. On the other hand, the best way to get information out was to tell the truth, so that you could receive the truth in return. It was still hard for me, though, considering I never even got the chance to mourn Uncle Owen's death.

"Yes, he raised me. My father was...not able to."

"What happened to Anakin?"

He clearly hadn't been informed of what Anakin Skywalker had become. Not that I was surprised, many people knew the name Anakin Skywalker and many knew the name Darth Vader, but few knew that those names belonged to the same person. Even Vader had been hesitant to connect the two, hence why I had told him that I accepted that he was once Anakin Skywalker, as if he had become a new person. This would probably be another hard thing to say, because even though I performed the burning of my father's body, I hadn't had time to mourn him either before returning to Han and Leia, and the Ewok celebration.

"He went to the dark side. He became Darth Vader."

"That nice boy? Oh Anakin...what have you done?"

"He remained good, though...at the very end. He saved my life, sacrificed his own."

Cliegg's face had dropped and lifted at the same time. It was evident that he was upset over both the fact that Anakin had turned to the dark side, as well as he had died, but he seemed glad that Anakin had sacrificed his life for me. It was still hard for me to stomach, though it seemed as is Han realized it, since he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I was so glad that I had somehow convinced Han to join me, because I wasn't sure anymore that I could've got through this alone. Knowing me, I'd probably have got myself killed somehow before even reaching this town, but it didn't really matter that much.

"He was such a nice boy...always putting others before himself...he tried to save his mother..."

So Anakin's mother, my grandmother, had died. The thought hadn't surprised me, because otherwise she would've been around somewhere to speak to, but perhaps that had a lot to do with Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader. Had he gone to the dark side in grieving for his mother? Nobody would know, not even Ben knew the whole truth. The only people who would've known were my father himself, and perhaps the Emperor as well. Obviously there was more to the story regarding Cliegg as well, since he seemed upset about the death of Anakin's mother, as if she was more than a slave who was sold to him.

"Do you know if Anakin had been in love? I'm not sure who my mother was, you see."

"Love? I have no idea...brought with him a young woman, though."

"Do you know who she was?"

"A senator, I believe...of Naboo. She came when his mother died."

We had a lead now, at least. Though Cliegg Lars had no information regarding Anakin being in love, he ha given us enough information to search it out. A senator from Naboo, she perhaps could have been my mother. It would make sense, Leia was a senator of Alderaan before the planet had been destroyed, and she obviously did not inherit any political interests or skills from our father. It seemed that the next location we had to visit was Naboo, because even if this senator was not our mother, Anakin Skywalker clearly had connections in Naboo and someone may know. There was still one thing I wanted to know, though.

"What...what happened to Anakin's mother? My...grandmother?"

"She was my wife...horrible though, murdered by the sand people..."

That would've been why he freed her, because he loved her. That would also explain why Uncle Owen was even my Uncle, even considered my family. He would have become my father's step-brother, making him my Uncle, or step-uncle in the least. It seemed there was so much pain within our family, so much death and suffering, that for once I had wished that I was not a Skywalker. No, I had wished that once before as well, but had overcome that feeling. Nodding sadly to my great-uncle, or perhaps grandfather if you looked at it from that point of view, I stood up slowly, Han following my lead.

"Thank you so much, you've helped us greatly. We must go now, though."

"Oh, you can't leave! Tatooine is in for it's centennial rain storm tonight, it'd be too dangerous to go!"

Centennial rainstorm, that was something I had heard of but never seen. Considering Tatooine was a hot desert planet, it never rained, but every one hundred years, there was a great rain and lightening storm. I had never been alive for it, obviously, and had yet in my life to even witness rain. It was a concept which both intrigued and frightened me. The only reason it would be so dangerous to travel is that the immense amount of rain in the sand would make it difficult to walk, and one would get stuck or be sucked down, to never be found again. I was about to protest anyway, though, until Cliegg leaned on his crutch and stood up.

"No, you must stay here. Share this room if you must, but I cannot allow you to leave."

I respected that Cliegg was looking out for us, so that we wouldn't come into trouble while returning to Leia and Chewie, but I was unsure about staying. It wasn't that he worried me in any way, but rather that I figured I needed to hurry on with my mission. Of course, Han knew about traveling in dangerous weather, and kept me from protesting to staying. Our companions would understand, I was sure Leia didn't know how far we had gone, so she could be expecting us to come back days later. As Cliegg left the room, I made my way to the little window, looking up at the small clouds that were forming in the atmosphere of the planet.

"It's alright Luke, we'll just head back tomorrow. Then we can go to Naboo."

"Do you think she's the one?"

"I don't know, kid. We'll find out, though."

Nodding, I knew Han was right. I would be disappointed if this senator hadn't turned out to be our mother, because I was so interested in finding out, but I couldn't go forever without knowing. There was little space in the room where we could sleep, one of us would use the couch but the other would either have to sleep in a chair or on the floor. I was already incredibly tired because of all our traveling and walking through the day, and I lay myself down on the couch, ready to pass out. Han seemed to accept this and sat himself in the chair, making himself comfortable. The clouds were overhead and the sky had darkened slightly anyway.

The only thought I had before passing into unconsciousness was that Han and I would be sleeping alone together.


	7. Chapter Five

"Hey kid, you've got to wake up, there's something you've got to see."

Han's voice was quiet and whispering, but I could sense the excitement in his voice. Even if it was a small amount of excitement, it was still a tone of joy. Letting myself return to consciousness, I became aware of the pattering outside that could only be one thing - the rain. Laughter emitted from Han, so I imagine my face must've brightened greatly as I sat up. He had more than likely seen rain before, and I knew there were rain forests on Corellia, but I had never before seen it. The rain was like a legend to me, and basically anyone on Tatooine who was ninety-nine years old or younger. The sound of the rain could be heard all around the room, on the roof.

"Han, it's raining! That's the rain!"

"I know, I figured you'd like to see it."

Before he had the chance to say anything more, I threw myself up off the couch, and ran the few steps to the window. Sticking my head out, I looked up at the severely clouded sky, the water pummeling onto my face. Han was behind me, still laughing at me, as I behaved in a more childish manner than he had even seen me behave. I opened my mouth, allowed the rain to enter it, noting that it tasted far better than the moisture we drank as water during my childhood on Tatooine. When I brought my head back inside, it was completely soaked but I could not keep the smile from my face as I looked back at my friend.

"Can we go outside? I want to experience this!"

Han hadn't even been given time by me to refuse, before I ran to the door and pulled it open. The sand was all muddy and puddly, but I imagined it wouldn't matter so much if I was out there for only a short time. It didn't seem quite too bad yet anyway, I could tell it had only been a couple hours rather than several. Running outside, I felt like a kid again, a kid who had nothing to worry about and nothing on his shoulders. Han followed to the doorway, and I could see him watching me in the exact manner I had expected, like I was a crazy kid. I stopped, standing in the mud, and just grinned at him from out there.

"Come join me, Han!"

"Nahh kid, I think I'll stay over here. Have your fun."

"It's no fun if you don't join in!"

I hadn't even realized what I was doing until I felt Han's skin beneath my fingers, and I noticed that I had run all the way back up to him, and grabbed his hand. Leading him out into the rain, I could hear Han protesting, but he hadn't made any physical effort to stop me. To prevent him from returning, I then grabbed his blaster from his belt, coming dangerously close to him in a way I had always hoped, but cared little about at that moment. Dangling his blaster before him, I took off, running away from him while laughing loudly. To say that Han was surprised would be an understatement, because he was silent and still for a moment before chasing me.

"Come on, Luke! Give that back, you know how important that thing is to me!"

"Nope, you've got to catch me first!"

I did know how important his blaster was to him. Just as the Falcon was important to him, he hadn't had another blaster during the entire time I had known him, always using the same one that he kept hanging in his belt. He wasn't angry, though, and he was doing the same thing I was at that moment - letting his inner child go, and participating in the only childish fun he'd had the chance to in many years. I ran behind the house and he followed, though I wasn't fast enough as I felt his foot against the back of my ankle before I fell to the ground. My clothes were covered in mud as Hen reached for my ankle, to keep me in place.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

"Give up, Luke. You challenged me and I have caught you."

"Not yet, you haven't!"

"Are you sure about that?"

Quite sure about it, I struggled around and kicked Han's hands away with my boots, and pulled myself out of the mud. We were both soaked from head to toe, but neither of us seemed to care. Dashing back toward the front of the house, I stood silent a moment so I could catch my breath, and while doing so, I noticed Han nearly run straight into me. He reached for his blaster, but as I was out of energy for a minute, I just tossed the blaster aside. I was still smiling at his leaped for his blaster, landing in the mud himself as he did so. Personally, I couldn't help but laugh at Han when he stood up, covered in mud, with his blaster in his hand.

"Laughing at something, kid?"

The raised eyebrow on his wet face, accompanied by that dashing grin had me hypnotized. In that moment, time stood still and the only thing I could focus on was him. My playfulness with him had done a lot more than distract me from my feelings, it had brought my attention straight back around to him, stronger than it had been before. I knew I was staring, but I couldn't help it. He approached me slowly, holding his blaster up in a mockingly threatening way, but it didn't matter anymore what he did. My body was on fire, just thinking of how it would feel to have him touch me and love me the way I loved him.

"Have you given up then, Luke?"

"Given up...not a chance, not on my life..."

Part of me was barely aware of what I was saying as he got closer, putting his blaster down slowly as he watched me. My brain had gone straight out of my head, and I couldn't speak as he noticed me staring. I was watching his body, his wet shirt tight against his chest, soaked and speckled with mud, and it made him look hotter than I had ever seen him in the years I'd known him. As he stuck his blaster back into his belt, he just stood and looked down on me, as I stared into his eyes. Before I could understand what it was I was even doing, I reached my hands up to where his shirt hung open, and lightly touched his wet chest.

"Hey, kid...Luke...what are you doing?"

I didn't even know what had possessed me to do it, but I continued to touch him, moving my hands up to his shoulders where I held onto him. Lifting my head, realized how close I was to him, I stared into his confused eyes with half-lidded, lust-filled and love-filled eyes of my own. I reached my hands back behind his neck, holding onto him as if my life depended on it, and moved closer. So afraid to see his reaction, I hesitated as to whether I should move on or not, but I was fairly certain he understood what was going on. His breath was on my face, so evident as it was warm in the wet atmosphere.

"Han...I've always wanted to do this..."

He hadn't got the chance to do or say anything before I finally leaned in, tilted my face upward and captured his lips with mine. I could tell that he was shocked, he wasn't sure what to do or even think, as I moved my lips against his. For the time, I hadn't even cared if he decided never to speak to me again afterward, I just had to do what I wanted for once. It still rained down on us, but I had forgotten the weather completely as I kissed him. Everything I had ever felt for him was contained in that one kiss, and I had hoped that he understood the meaning behind it. Slowly, without having got a response from him, I pulled away.

"Sorry, I -"

"Don't be sorry, kid."

Not a second passed, I didn't even get to ask him why, before he pulled me back. His lips were on mine like fire, and I instantly responded to him as if I'd die if I hadn't. His arms were around my mid-section, around my back, and holding me as close to him as possible. My hands played around in his wet hair, desperate to do something with them, while I was breathing heavily and gasping into his mouth. When his lips moved from mine to my neck, biting me lightly as well, I nearly lost my balance standing there, so he backed me up slowly into the outside wall of the house, just as I had dearly hoped he would the entire time.

"Han, I...I've got to tell you..."

"Shut up, Luke."

"Alright...oh, alright..."

His words were spoken with a lust in his voice that I had never heard before, but it turned me on more than anything I had heard as well. I threw my head back into the wall as he continued, the pain of the contact not even registering in me. His hands came down to my lower backside, holding me firmly and my vision had basically begun to blur. Part of me believed this had to be a dream, that there was no possible way it was actually happening, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it. Whether it was real or not, it was everything that I had wanted. It was when I moaned that he suddenly stopped, pulling away slowly as if he had gained control of his body after being possessed.

"Oh no...Leia...what have I done?"

I was instantly left out there, against the wall in the rain, as Han ran back in the house and slammed the door. He was clearly angry, not sure if it was at me or himself, but he was certainly disappointed in himself. Of course he couldn't be with me, he was with Leia. He was supposed to be with my sister, and meanwhile he had just been making out with her twin brother. I had been a horrible brother, I let him do it, I started it and led him on. Sliding down to sit against the house in the mud, the tears began to fall, and I felt it would just be better if I had stayed outside all night, where Han wouldn't have to deal with me.

There was no way that Han Solo and I could have maintained our close friendship after that.


	8. Chapter Six

"Thank you so much, Mr. Lars. You've done us a great favour."

I had stayed the entire night outside in the rain, crying to myself and regretting every action from the night. When I had come inside in the morning, Han seemed tense and he had been avoiding me in a way that he obviously thought wouldn't be too noticeable. Cliegg hadn't hinted at all that he heard what happened in the night, so I was doing my best to act as if everything was normal. It was after we had some breakfast with the small amount of food that Cliegg owned that Han insisted we leave, and I agreed completely. We would have to return to Leia and Chewie, and set off for Naboo as quickly as possible.

"It's no problem, Luke. What's family for?"

"I owe you so much, just for the information you've given me."

"Nonsense. Good luck with everything."

"Thanks. I'll try to visit sometime in the future."

That was the truth, too. I intended to visit him again, feeling glad that I finally had another family member to talk to than Leia. As much as I loved my twin sister, and she was the closest person I could ever have within a family, sharing my blood and my birthday, I enjoyed having someone else as well. Han was also like family to me, but after what had happened the previous night, I didn't know if we could return to that anytime soon. He was still avoiding my glance as he stepped out of the house, though I was determined not to anger him anymore, so I attempted not to look at him at all. The Force knew I wanted to, badly.

"You keep the canteen. I won't need it."

He didn't make any notice that I had said anything. I didn't want to share the canteen with him if he wasn't even going to acknowledge me, and I was making sure that he wouldn't try. There would be nothing worse than being snubbed by him to face, if I had chosen to ask for the canteen or offer the canteen to him. We wet out down the road, heading back toward that town where we had come across the Toydarian and had our lunch. It was much earlier in the day than the last time we had passed through, so not many people were out. There was mud everywhere though, some bits still wet, and I hadn't expected to slip until I had.

"Damn mud..."

Straining slightly, I pulled myself off the ground. I was incredibly weak, probably from all the energy I had let loose in the night, but that wasn't about to stop me from traveling. Han didn't even turn around or stop when he heard me fall, and it was angering me greatly. There wasn't much I could do, though, so I just pretended as if I hadn't noticed. The temperature was still mild because it was morning, and because of the moisture that still remained in the sand, and apparently would remain for several days. Even when we were an hour outside the town, it began to heat up, but it was still fairly mild compared to usual.

"Not much longer now."

We weren't even halfway there yet, but I spoke to myself to assure that I would continue going. I needed the will to continue in order to even try in this state, this weak state. Han was beginning to notice my ragged breaths, but I forced myself to keep walking, and he hadn't yet spoken to me so I hadn't cared much that he noticed. Stubborn and a little bitter, I was forcing myself to play his game - to ignore him as he ignored me. It became easier to do so as the heat rose and I began to have even more trouble walking. By then, I could notice that Han was starting to worry, because he actually turned to me and spoke hesitantly.

"Kid...take the canteen. You need to rest."

He was speaking the truth, but I wasn't about to let him have the satisfaction of winning. It was immature of me, but I cared little. I just continued to walk, sweating profusely and breathing becoming painful, Han's worried eyes on me the entire time. Regardless of his anger, at himself and at me from the previous night, he still worried about me like the best friend that he was, but I didn't want to give in to him. My chest began to tighten, my head was pounding, and I knew I should've stopped to rest and have some water, but I couldn't bring myself to. Han could sense my pain, though, probably because it was all over my face.

"Luke, you have to stop. You're going to kill yourself if you keep going."

"No. I'm...not stopping."

"You're in pain! I don't care what you're trying to prove, stop and rest, please!"

Shaking my head, I kept going. The ex-smuggler had actually reached for my arm, but I jerked away, causing myself more pain than I was already feeling. I was unsure of why this walk was so painful, I'd never experienced pain like that, other than the intense pain of losing my right hand. Everything became slower and slower, I could not walk very fast anymore, and I could hear Han attempting to make me stop, but it didn't do anything. All sound was leaving my ears, fading out as if I had just turned the volume down on the world. It caused me to worry when my vision began to blur, too, and I felt myself falling.

The last thing I had seen before everything went dark was Han yelling and dropping to catch me.

*SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW* *SW*

"Luke, are you alright? Luke, are you awake?"

I recognized that voice, and figured I must've been dreaming. As I opened my eyes slowly, I noticed we were in a dark room, but I could make out the shadow sitting beside me. Leia was there, just as I figured she was because she had been speaking to me. It took a moment for me to register that I was in a bed, wrapped up, back at the little inn where we had begun our journey. How had I gotten there? I was feeling absolutely horrible, my head and throat were in pain, and my chest was still tense though not as much as before. Turning over to face my sister better, I clutched my head slightly before asking her anything.

"Leia? What...how...?"

"Be calm. You're a little ill, it seems you've got a cold. Han said you spent all night in the rain?"

"Uhh...yeah..."

"That'd be why. Just lay back, it will feel worse if you got up."

Considering I had grown up on the hot planet, I never had to worry about getting a cold. I had heard of them, though - the only sickness that one could not be vaccinated against, the one that took over your body for a certain amount of time. Leia was stroking my hair, and I could fear that my head was wet, as if I had been sweating a bit while in bed. Perhaps I had gained a fever at some point? I didn't feel that bad, so if I had, the fever had obviously vanished or lessened since then. It felt so weird and awkward to be so ill, so weak, because I had never felt like this in my entire life. Though one question still weighed on my mind, considering we weren't even close to the inn when I had supposedly passed out in the desert.

"Leia...how am I -"

"Here? Han carried you back. He said it wasn't far, but he was so worried."

Wasn't far? He had obviously bended the truth a little when he explained it to Leia, because we hadn't yet reached our halfway point when it happened. Han would have carried me for hours in the desert, and I suddenly felt back for ignoring him during the walk. If I had decided to be a little more mature, we could have stopped and rested, and this could have been prevented, or at least discovered before I passed out. I could feel that I was wearing less clothing, and could only assume that either Han or Leia had half-stripped me and put me to bed. Groaning, I clutched my head again, still feeling the pounding nature of it.

"You'll be feeling pain for a while. Just relax, you need to get better before we go anywhere."

"Naboo...that's where we need to go..."

"I know. Somewhere between his frantic panicking, Han found time to tell me."

So Han had been frantically panicking, all because of me? I felt even worse then for having been so rude to him, even if I had been doing the same thing he was. I had been dealing with my feelings for years, but Han may have just whimsically responded my behaviour in the night. He had plenty of reason to feel angry and guilty, especially since he was with Leia. Obviously he cared more for me than I assumed, though, as even as best friends, I never imagined he'd carry me for hours and panic over my illness. All of a sudden, Leia stood up, still stoking through my hair, and smiled to me lightly.

"I'll send Han in, he's been waiting for you to wake up."

I wanted to nod, but I knew I couldn't because of the pain in my head. My sister turned her back and left the room. It was clear to me that I was in the small room, the room that Chewie had used in our first night. The only reason I could figure for that was so that I'd get the proper rest while ill, and not infect anyone else in the process. It was a minute or two before I saw the door creak open, and a shadow came into the room, very obviously Han. He seemed nervous, from what I could tell in the dark, and I was certain that even after everything, he hadn't forgotten what we'd done. Sitting in the seat Leia had previously occupied, he looked at me.

"Are you feeling any better, kid? I'm sorry that had to happen to you."

"I'll survive...it just hurts, but I've been through worse."

"It isn't right. This is all my fault. If you hadn't slept outside, then..."

He was mentally beating himself up for it. It didn't matter that I had taken the first step, that I had started we had done, but he was feeling horrible for having let me stay the night in the rain. If only he had known that I'd spent the night crying, he probably would've felt worse. Personally, I hoped that he had no idea. From what I could see of his face, he was torn with emotional pain, and I was afraid to say anything and possibly make it worse for him. Funny that I'd be the ill one, laying in bed, yet I didn't want to make anything worse for those around me. His hands were clasped, and he was squeezing them together.

"Luke...I swear, I will do anything in my power to make this better for you...I don't want you to hurt..."

I was unsure if even he knew what he was talking about. He couldn't possibly know of my feelings for him, so he had to have been speaking about the illness. My head throbbed, my chest was still constricting, and I felt like I had swallowed a lightsaber that hollowed out my throat and left it burning. Of course he had to be speaking of the illness. Before I had the chance to ask him anything more, he stood up and stalked out, as if he could not bear to remain in the room. Leia had returned in no time, looking confused but also looking concerned, and I was unsure of whether it was for me or for Han. She seemed to push that back as she returned to stroking my hair.

Somehow, I felt that if Leia knew how I truly felt, she would be completely supportive of me, no matter what.


End file.
